Floater

All throughout high school, I never had a set group of friends. I was a floater.

Freshman year I hung out with the same group from middle school but eventually our interests diverged and now, I barely even see them. The people you talked to every day in middle school become people you only say hi to in the hallways. My sophomore year, I joined ASB and made friends that were seniors. I feared once they graduated, I would have no one to talk to or hang out with. When they graduated, that’s exactly what happened. My junior year was the biggest floater year of all. At lunch I sat with girls I didn’t even talk to outside of school or see on the weekends. They were simply just a group to sit with at lunch, so I could have people to sit with. Not that I didn’t like these girls, I just simply didn’t have any interests with them.

Being a part of ASB always made me feel as if I knew a lot of people, but when I really came down to it; I really didn’t know anyone. My junior year I spent pondering who I would sit with my senior year, or who I would spend time with at Grad night or Physics fun day. I dreaded senior year.

Little did I know, I found friends that I can actually relate with. We spend time both at school, and outside of school. It is crazy to think that all of us have come together just the beginning of this year. All of us were floaters looking to find a group, and happened to find each other. Now, we are inseparable.

This year alone, we had already traveled to NYC together, and just came back from a NorCal road trip. This road trip made me realize how thankful I am to have found these group of friends. This year has also taught me that I don’t need to care about anyone else at school either. The past years I’ve spent so concerned about what people thought of me. I was too scared to speak up for myself because of how it would change their perception of the good ol “ASB” girl. I knew that if I was mean to someone, they wouldn’t vote for me during exec elections or Homecoming court. I was so conflicted between how I really wanted to act vs. how I should act.

I had expected so much, but in the end my expectations did not pair with reality. I did not make HC court, or be on EFM, or even have a “real” ASB executive election. My expectations for these things probably sound conceited, but I guess I sort of just expected I would get them after becoming ASB president. Let down after let down, I realized I did not need to act a certain way to please others.

I use to sit outside at lunch and walk around to other groups and socialize. Now at lunch, I am perfectly content with hiding out in the BBN room eating lunch with the nuclear group of friends I need.

I guess this post was sort of jumbled with my own thoughts but the most important thing I’ve learned this year is that friends will find their way to you. Don’t act a certain way to please others or go out trying to find friend groups. I spent the pass three years floating around campus trying to find the group of perfect friends that had similar interests. The group of friends I found this year, are the true friends I can really count on. Just because you have a title, doesn’t mean it doesn’t entitle you to your own opinion.

Just like the bundle of balloons at Disneyland, I am a floater. I am made to be what I am, unsure of where I will end up. Maybe I will float to the skies when a child accidentally lets go of my string, or maybe I will be brought home to a family. I can’t predict my future and only be what I am now.

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